I don't care.
I feel like I should, but I don't. I feel like I should be outraged, upset that one of my favorite players on my favorite team has been cheating the system and cheating me for years. Or perhaps I should be supportive, defending the guy that's given me so much joy since he became a Brewer. But I just do not care.
Maybe I'm growing apathetic. Maybe I've been too busy this summer to pay too much attention to this situation. Maybe if the Brewers were better and I'd care a little more. Maybe if I wasn't as busy I'd have more emotion. Maybe right now there are more important things in my life and caring about whether or not a baseball player did something illegal.
It's not like me not to care. I'm known for never cutting it down the middle. I'm a passionate guy. I'm either all in or all against. And when I have opinions I'm loud about it. And with topics so big like this one, Ryan Braun using steroids or PEDs or whatever he vaguely admitted to today, you would think that would draw ire from me towards him or ire from me towards those against him. I'm really trying hard to care a little bit more about this, I'm tightening my muscles and clenching my wrists trying to put out a grin and trying to spark up an emotion. But I still just don't care.
Then again, I'm not a baseball purist. I grew up the biggest baseball fan you could be. It was my sport and my dreams were of being a big leauger. In 1994, baseball went on strike and those dreams went away (also the fact that I was terrible at baseball. Like catcher in T-ball terrible). I grew to hate baseball and swore I'd never watch it again. You know what brought me back? That's right, the homerun chase of 1998. Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire. Now no, that doesn't justify the use of steroids in the game, but I'm not writing this article without that homerun chase because without that homerun chase I may never have gotten back into the game.
Listening to sports radio today - a profession that I am in! - I grew upset at the radio hosts for their compassion. One particular conversation I heard was whether or not they think the fans will give Braun a Standing O on Opening Day 2014. Most of the guys on the roundtable thought that the fans would while another thought it would be blasphemy if the fans reacted that way. I don't know. I think I would give him a standing ovation. He did wrong but he's our guy. A standing ovation opening day doesn't mean we support him doing drugs or support him lying. It means we support the recovery process. We forgive him for his mistakes.
Maybe by then I will care. Maybe I will be upset. But right now I just don't feel the emotion.
I just don't care.
I don't care.
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