No Way This is a Real Movie

It was a typical Thursday night for me. I had "The Daily Show" on while I was doing a little blogging. Once the show went to commercial though, the next two minutes of my life would be that of shock, disbelief, and confusion. I had just watched a preview of the new movie, "The Love Guru".

When you reach a certain level of fame and accomplishment as an actor, you also reach the point where you're no longer making movies to earn a paycheck, you're now making movies because you want to make them, and you don't really care what the audience will think. It's why we're getting Will Ferrell in Semi-Pro (which seems to be every joke that didn't make the cut in Anchorman, Talledega Nights, and Blades of Glory), it's why we got Tenacious D: In the Pick of Destiny from Jack Black, and it's why we're getting Mike Myers latest vechile, The Love Guru.

The plot is this: Mike Myers is an American who was raised by gurus. That right there should be enough to keep that eight dollars in your pocket. Anyways, he heads to Canada in order to start the self-help business. It's there he has to help out a Toronto Maple Leafs star help him win back his wife.

Here's what's wrong with this. First off, gurus? I will give Myers credit, his newest character, Pitka, at least seems to be different than any of his previous ones. Whether or not that means we won't see the same jokes recycled from his previous movies remains to be seen. Second, this whole Toronto Maple Leafs is what I'm talking about when I mean he's making a movie just because he wants to. Myers had bascially said he's a huge Leafs fan in every interview he's done since he starred in I Married an Axe Murderer.

Probably the most shocking thing I saw while watching the preview was Jessica Alba. If I remember correctly, most of the shots they showed of her she was just standing there, looking hot. Don't get me wrong, he's a beautiful woman, it's just you'll never get me to go see a movie because Jessica Alba is standing there. You know that people that say they liked the move I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry because Jessica Biel was hot? Please don't be one of those people. Don't see a movie just because the actress is hot. If you really want to see Alba that bad, surf the web for 30 minutes and call it a night.

Jessica Simpson is also in this film, which should be all you need to know to stay away. And Justin Timberlake apparently has a pretty big role, which I'm upset about. Why Justin? You were doing so well with your new album and the Dick in a Box sketch. Try not to fall into crap like this ever again.

I know, I know. I haven't seen the movie. My review is based off a two minute trailer, and who knows the greatest and excitement I could be missing because I've never watched the film? Isn't that the point of trailers though, to get people excited about a movie? To make people want to watch a movie? To actually drive people to the theaters? I hope Mike Myers had a good time with the film, at this point in his career he deserves to make movies that he wants to make. I just think it looks terrible. And if I'm making sure you don't go waste eight dollars on it, why the wouldn't I do the same?